Sunday, January 25, 2009

The Cast List

You have been watching....


The Choirboy

The Chairman

The British Cowboy

Big Frank

The Bookseller
(I don't think The Bookseller would be caught dead with a 'soul patch', but apart from that, the likeness here is rather scary.)

The Mothman

The Barman
(OK, just a little too tall; but I daresay we can do something about that with visual FX.)

Dapper Dan

Dishy Debs

Sexy Sarah

Glamorous Vicky
(My other recording partner...)

The Weeble

My Pool Partner


The Man In Black

The Poet

(who, of course, still has to shroud her identity to protect her job)

OMG (likewise)

'OMF' Tony
(who started this whole idea off with this post)

(now, sadly, lost to blogworld - much missed)

The Artist



Pool Bar Luke

Old Li
(Actually, I don't think Mr Li would ever pull such a sour face, other than in jest; and he is way cooler even than Jackie Chan, but this is the best idea I could come up with.)

Looby Lou
(I should point out that my Shanghai-based lao tongxue is MUCH younger than this; but I don't think she'd find the comparison otherwise unflattering.)

Big J
(moved to Shanghai, and not enjoying it....)



Mr Sex

Dr Manhattan

The Barmaid

The Bombshell

Barack Obama

You see, my blog-buddy Tony quipped a little while ago about there being a film version made of his blog, and some casting possibilities were suggested. I rather liked the idea.... and got a bit carried away with it!

Actors may appear more attractive than the real-life characters they are portraying.


Tony said...

Of course, I don't know how apt is the casting of your louche friends, but you've done a great job on me: Suchet will need a wig of lustrous brown hair and then he's a dead ringer.

The British Cowboy said...

Did I tell you I had been accused of being PSH in a Nashville bar or is this a bizarre coincidence.

Froog said...

Well, Tony, I thought your role required the gravitas and dignitas of a major actor, rather than a close physical similarity. Mr Suchet will be ideal, I think. (I'm sure he will wig up if the cheque is big enough.) Finding this picture of him working at his laptop was the clincher.

Froog said...

Yes, Cowboy, you have commented on that incident before, although I don't think you mentioned that it happened in Nashville.

However, I had already guessed that PSH was your likeliest lookalike. (My other suggestions were Donny Most and Timothy Busfield.)

Not a bad picture, this, eh? If you cut out all the ones where he's Capote (I just can't picture you in a gynaecologist's bow-tie) or in drag, there's not much left.

Froog said...

I think I'll add a list of the 'actors' chosen in a while.

But for now, people might like to see how many they can recognise.

gary said...

I'm bummed that I didn't get included!

I suppose you not knowing what I look like is some kind of excuse. I'd like to claim that George Clooney or Jude Law is the perfect ringer for me but sadly enough William H. Macy is probably the best fit. A fine actor but hardly a stud.

Brendan said...

Elijah Wood shares the 'hobbit' component, but is otherwise totally unsuitable. I demand that you find someone more attractive and then make him short with special effects.

Froog said...

No, I think EW is spot on - especially now that you've trimmed the beard down.

I've spoken to Ed Norton's agent, but he categorically refuses to countenance any CG diminution of stature.

Gary, sorry to overlook you. I may do an addendum to this post in a bit, if I can find a good picture of Mr Macy.

Mothman said...

Oh, F**k not you as well! It seems to have been open-season recently among my numerous lady friends as to which 'celebrity' I resemble the most. Curiously enough Colin Firth does seem to tbe the preferred option of my American buddettes (why???) Other suggestions have included Mel Gibson (get real!!)and Pierce Brosnan (get even more real!!!) As far as I can see the only 'resemblance' is that we have all kept most of our own hair into our dotage.

Personally I always favoured a passing resemblance to Tony Hancock. We seem to share the same problems vis-a-vis the Inland Revenue, apart from all else...I feel a trip to Australia coming on.

Froog said...

Firth is at least starting to show some signs of middle age now, Mothman, but he maintains a cheeky twinkle about him - which puts me in mind of you, even more than the impressive thatch of wavy hair.

I can see Hancock for the lugubriousness, but not for physical appearance.

And since this is a film that is actually going to be made (oh, yes!), we need actors still living.

What did you think of The Bookseller??

I thought you might have something to say about "the totty" too. Two.... no, three.... no, four ex-girlfriends and a crush or two in amongst this lot.

Mothman said...

If another single person goes on about that 'cheeky grin' that I allegedly share with Colin Firth I may well fill them in :-) I am depresed, I tell you - depressed...I don't DO cheeky grins. Ever.

The Bookseller is terrifying. I wonder how many people remember his alter ego as 'Albie' the homicidal Liverpool supporter. I can just imagine The Bookseller pursuing some literary peculant down The High chanting "L-I-V...E-R-P...double-O-L Liverpool FC" and whacking aforementioned miscreant repeatedly over the head with a volume of Wittgenstein.

The distaff side is okay. Since I have eschewed occidental totty for all time I favour on the physical front only your pool partner and the ever-gorgeous Tulsa. However, I can forgive a girl who writes well most things - flat-chestedness; halitosis; cross-eyes...possibly even a touch of the whitewash brush. A sublime literary creature has no further need for window dressing. Naming no names you understand.

omg said...

Hee hee. Tis I, on Froog's blog!

Froog said...

Yes, indeed, OMG. Would you be willing to "de-cloak" to the extent of suggesting an actress you think fitting to represent you?

Mothman said...

it's got to be some sort of Thinking Man's Crumpet. I doubt if our American cousins know Felicity Kendall or Carole Vorderman. Didn't Jodie Foster study English Literature at Yale? Younger versions, of course!

Leigh Russell said...

This is hilarious. I sometimes see actors - or meet people - who are exactly how I pictured a character in one of my books. It's uncanny sometimes, to 'see' a character I'd imagined. And I know exactly who I'd like to play my killer... (an actor, no one I know!)

JK said...

And me?

I think Tim Robbins is a good likeness although far to clean cut and docile...

Froog said...

Getting on in years now, a bit, Mr Robbins. And I couldn't find any pictures of him with a suitable hairstyle. I don't think his hair has looked anything like yours since Shawshank Redemption, JK.

Similar difficulties with another of your suggestions, Tim Roth.

I found one of Timothy Spall that I thought was a reasonable likeness - but I decided to suppress it in the interests of maintaining our friendship.

The search continues...

Froog said...

Ah, I had promised ages ago to identify the 'actors' chosen to represent the dramatis personae of my blogs - so here goes.

Froog - Paul Bettany
[Ewan McGregor was a very close second choice, but he's more ingratiatingly charming; I like Bettany's intensity, his edginess. It has been often objected that he's a bit too young to play me - but I think you need someone who can play the younger me convincingly. And he's not that much younger than me!]

The Choirboy - Cillian Murphy

The Chairman - Alan Bennett

The British Cowboy - Philip Seymour Hoffman

Big Frank - Vinnie Jones

The Bookseller - Robert Carlyle

The Mothman - Colin Firth

The Barman - Yao Ming

Dapper Dan - Wes Bentley

Dishy Debs - Belinda Lang

Sexy Sarah - Jane Horrocks

Glamorous Vicky - Naomi Watts

The Weeble - Elijah Wood

My Pool Partner - Lucy Liu

Lamarr - Cuba Gooding Jnr.

The Man In Black - Jack Black

The Poet - Madeleine Stowe

OMG - Herself

Moonrat - Not Herself

"Other Men's Flowers" Tony - David Suchet

Leah - Abbie Cornish

The Artist - Cameron Diaz

T.E.O. - Cate Blanchett

Tulsa - Shilpa Shetty

Pool Bar Luke - Jay Chou

Old Li - Jacky Chan

Looby Lou - Jessica Lange

Big J - Ving Rhames

Snopes - Richard Briers

Gary - William H. Macy

Mr Sex - George Clooney

Dr Manhattan - Jon Favreau

The Barmaid - Ellen Page

The Bombshell - Ulrika Jonsson


Barack Obama - Cleavon Little (as Sherrif Bart in Blazing Saddles)

Froog said...

Having just treated myself to another viewing of Sideways, it occurred to me that Sandra Oh would be an even better choice to play my Pool Partner, but it might cause complications - both in the HTML and in real-world relationships - to go tinkering with this post now.

Hiram J. Huckensacker said...

OK listen up folks. We're picking this up. We had an EXCELLENT Cannes this year, pre-sales were stupendous, interest in this was MASSIVE we should get a greenlight before June is out.

Clara will get in touch with you for the name and likeness rights and all the silly stuff. It'll be boilerplate deals, can't cut you any back end but there'll be a party, what can I tell you?

Consider yourselves hugged.


Froog said...

Why, thank you, Hiram. I haven't been 'boilerplated' in such a long time!

I just hope Bettany is available. His schedule is just crazy lately.

Froog said...

I posted a supplement to this a little while ago, suggesting a few new possibles.

I particularly liked Jason Statham for Big Nige - he has the right mixture of threat and charm, the shaved head and the steely intensity... but he needs to be at least a foot taller and wider!

I found the lovely American actress Annabeth Gish strikingly reminiscent of our 2010 12 Square Metres regular, Sister Surly, and 'perpetual teenager' Michael Cera almost uncannily evocative of the similarly skinny and 'ageless' T-man, our occasional relief barman down there.

And then we had Wayne Knight ("Newman!") as...