Friday, March 28, 2008

HBH 73

Pursued, pursuing;
So tired of the whole darned thing!
Libido withers.

Hmm, is Libido Withers a plausible porn star name, do you think? I suppose it rather sends the wrong message, but it does have the right sort of ring to it.

My porn star name, by the way, is Jason Highfield. Not wonderful, but it will serve.

I'm not sure if I've played this game online before (though I certainly have, from time to time, via e-mail). The formula tends to work better, I think, for girls than for boys; but here it is.....

First name: Name of a pet you remember fondly from childhood

Last name: Street name of the first address you can remember living at

Go on, give it a go. Add your most amusing creations to the comments below.

Supplement: You might like to try out the Rum & Monkey porn name generator for more variety. This one turns me into (the not terrribly butch-sounding) Albert Butch. However, using one of my favourite pen names I get the far more suitable (and at least vaguely butch) Whiskey Dwayne. Give it a try and see what it does for you.

And if you really have time to waste..... you could take a look at the Gangstaname site. Their porn name generator doesn't seem to be that great (Hank Spankalicious??), but I quite like my alternate 'gangsta name' of Ribbed Hung Daddy, my 'pirate name' of Saggin' Jowls Gus, my 'taxi driver name' of Phazeplänte Washington, my 'cutesy, lovey-dovey pet name' of Poopy Balls (a particularly good name generator, this one: one of my exes came out as the [dangerously appropriate?] Jiggy Nutz), my 'mafia names' Alphonse Bruno or Fancy Pants Jake, and my 'luchador names' Vestido Candado and Poisón Rapido. Procrastination just got even easier.

Of course, I decided some time ago that my 'blues name' should be Stout Melon Coolidge.

And by the way, I forgot to mention it at first, but this (continuously evolving, not so little any more) post was No. 600 here on The Barstool. How time flies when you're having fun.


barry said...

On this principle, I would be Rex Oldfield. I really have no idea whether that would make a fitting "porn star name".

Froog said...

A first offering already, although it came in via e-mail.

Sorry, B, nearly forgot to post it under your name.

And I doubt your professed ignorance of this cinematic genre!

Froog said...

If we take 'withers' as a part of the anatomy rather than a verb, I think it could serve as a porn star surname. Honey Withers sounds pretty good.

Honestly, I'm not exactly sure what part of the anatomy 'withers' denotes. And I suspect it's only ever used of horses.

Never mind. It sounds good. That's the point.

The Bookseller said...

Under the rather over-strict rules, I end up as Peter Sandylands, which is not terribly convincing, even by the production standards of most porn films.
If the criteria were expanded to ANY pet & ANY domicile, I could be Boy Rose, which WOULD work-and probably already exists.
The Bookseller's Wife would be Brandy Westhorpe, although I can't see her alter ego Mungo Westhorpe being much of a turn-on for the laydees (or gentlemen)...

Froog said...

Ah, Bookseller, so nice to have you back. Where are your latest 'band name' inspirations?

'Peter Sandylands' sounds more like a twee middle-aged solicitor type, perhaps a soon-to-be victim in Midsomer Murders.

I will do my best not to think of Mrs B as 'Brandy Westhorpe'. Does she know you have revealed this 'secret' about her?

Tony said...

Can't compete with all this creativity, but would just like to observe that to be a mafioso I don't have to change my name at all.

Froog said...

Gosh, really, Tony? Now I am intrigued as to your surname.

I hope your friends don't use a supposedly reverential but deeply unflattering nickname for you, like "Fat" Tony or "Psycho" Tony or "Toothpuller" Tony.

Tony said...

Who needs a surname or a silly nickname when the first name alone makes the blood run cold?

Froog said...

Fair point.

Although my best bud out here - The Chairman - is also called Tony, and the only blood-stirring emotions he or his name seem to conjure are amusement and pity. Oh yes, and frustration.

Ah, but when we refer to him as The Chairman, a certain blood-chill is noticeable in the audience, yes.

Surely, though, for true "I could have you whacked any time I say" menace, it should be short for Antonio?

Anthonys scare no-one. Not where I come from, anyway.

Tony said...

Froog: On reading your reply I realise that you never had access to The Sopranos so you had no idea what I meant. Sorry...

Froog said...

Well, I have seen a few episodes here and there.

I had rather forgotten he was a Tony, though. Was it Anthony or Antonio?

Well, James Gandolfini could make even an Anthony terrifying. And I'm not from New Jersey.

Tony said...

Don't know. Never saw any of it.