Monday, September 22, 2008

Improving the odds

I have recently suffered a painful resurgence of my inappropriate infatuation (Or perhaps just a revival of regrets? Subtle difference!) with a woman who strangely fails to notice my existence.

It has reminded me of the following 'chat-up approach' that an American university buddy, JB, claimed to have used (although I rather doubt that he ever did):

"You don't dig me much, do you? But hey, what about if we were the last man and woman left on the Earth, and the survival of the human race depended on us? Surely you'd sleep with me then? You'd at least consider it, right? Of course you would! OK, so how about if there were only ten men left in the world? Would I have a chance then? How about twenty, or a hundred? I'm just trying to work out how many guys I gotta kill before you'd give me a shot. Give me a little guidance here."

Would this kind of spiel really work with anyone? Well, perhaps, once in a blue moon. I mean, it has a kind of charming directness about it. And I'm sure JB could deliver it with a finely-judged self-mockery. And sometimes - indeed, quite often, I think - mere persistence succeeds.

However, I fear the object of my affections wouldn't sleep with me even if I were the last man on earth.

So.... my work on the great biological WMD, the virus that kills only males, has been suspended. It's bad enough that she prefers everyone else to me. I don't think I could bear to learn that she would also prefer no-one to me!


The British Cowboy said...

How about if she notices your existence, tells you how much she likes you, but that she is dating someone else, and that if she wasn't, you two would be perfect together. Then she tells you that she never asked you out when you were both single because she thought you thought she wasn't smart enough.

Shoot me now.

Froog said...


Still, some consolation for the ego there, even if dressed with much additional frustration.

And some prospect of a happy conclusion somewhat further down the line.

My life would be so much richer and fuller if a few anticipated breakups/divorces would finally materialize.

Chin up, Cowboy. Where there's life, there's hope.

The British Cowboy said...

And where there is hope, there is crushing disappointment.