"The Pakistani Place"

My young drinking friends and I have a new favourite hangout for cheap eats (and not too unreasonably expensive drinks) in the Sanlitun area.

I am reluctant to identify it, since one of its chiefest charms at present is that it is almost invariably completely empty (well, no, not completely empty: there always seem to be one or two tables occupied, which suggests that it is doing just well enough to survive, but not building such a reputation that it risks becoming over-busy or developing any delusions of grandeur). However, sophisticated Net-traffic-monitoring tools and exhaustive personal enquiries have revealed to me that in fact I have only two regular readers who are resident in Beijing, so I'm probably safe enough in publishing "our secret" here.

The place is just opposite that hideous new mega-mall, The Village, around the corner from Luga's, on the upper floor. It is completely unprepossessing - indeed, almost invisible - from the outside, with only a small, unilluminated sign saying "Pakistan Restaurant" over the steps. Inside, it is small and very spare of decor - really little more than a standard Chinese 'hole-in-the-wall' restaurant. However, the big windows at the front do afford some nice people-watching opportunities.

I think it's probably been open a year or so already, maybe even rather more - but I'm afraid I always tended to ignore it, because to a casual glance it appears to be just as charmless and generic as the other (overpriced, not very good) restaurants on that little strip. The chuanr guy outside downstairs - who is, I think, part of the same business - should perhaps have tempted me to give them a try rather sooner: he does have conspicuously the most tasty and generously proportioned meat-skewers in that whole neighbourhood.

And the kebabs you can get inside in the restaurant (not on the menu, I don't think!) are even better - a treat for the tastebuds. Over the past two or three months, most of my irregular drinking buddies seem to have "discovered" this place (of course, they all claim to have been the first and argue about taking the credit), and it is now becoming a regular default rendezvous for us. They don't appear to have any actual Pakistanis in their employ, but I gather that the Chinese owners spent quite some time in Pakistan and take a pride in giving a good account of the recipes they have brought back. My pal The Suave Bengali pronounces their fare to be "very authentic", and he claims to know a thing or two about cuisine from the northern end of the great sub-continent (though I'm not at all sure that he's ever actually been to those parts). Well, yes, "authentic" does mean greasy as hell, but it's very nicely spiced, and the portions are a good size. The menu is pretty limited (although you can try your luck ordering off the menu), but it's all very well done; and it's much cheaper than any of the other Indian/Pakistani places in town - really quite a bargain.

Oh yes, and they have 10 kuai Tsingtaos too. In fact, they have lately succumbed to our requests to start stocking the big bottles of Tsingtao for us.

Ssssshhhh.

(And if you are a Beijing resident who has happened to wander in here, please disregard this post. It was no more than a practical joke, a late April Fool's Day prank. This restaurant doesn't really exist. And if it did, it would be frightful. Not worth investigating at all, I assure you.)