Beijing sports bar HELL

I complained last month about the many failings of Beijing's sports bars. Last night produced a bloody illustration of those faults. Outside of the top of the table clashes between 'the big four' football clubs of England's Premier League - of which there are, after all, only 12 per season - the big local derby matches, Manchester, Merseyside, and North London, are the high points of the football year. This tends to be true even when one of the two teams in each of these match-ups is obviously weaker: the history of the fixtures and the intensity of local rivalry and animosity almost always ensures a lively game, a passionate and often brutal competition played with the desperate hunger of a knockout cup tie - and fairly often producing an upset for the stronger team. With the sudden re-emergence of Tottenham and Manchester City as contenders for a spot in the top 4 or 5, these games have got even bigger this season. So, I really wanted to see last night's North London face-off between Arsenal and Spurs. If only there were a decent sports bar in this town.... Ned's is a nice little bar. But emphasis on the little. And it's an Aussie bar. Therefore, you must expect that when there's any Aussie sport on, that might take preference over Pommie football. (Last night, it was cricket. Only a one-day international, and the small crowd of young Aussies in there seemed only to be watching very half-heartedly, but.... it's their bar. Ho hum. Let's try somewhere else.) The Den was also showing the India v Australia cricket match. On 4 of its 5 or 6 screens. Despite the fact that, I would say, at least two-thirds, if not three-quarters of the punters in there were attempting to watch the football. They weren't playing the commentary on either event, of course. They often don't, it seems, even when there's only one major event on. Whenever there's a clash, they dispense with commentary on any of them. Now, it wouldn't be that difficult to devote one bar to the cricket and one to the football, and have the commentary on for both. If you have to mix it up, I'm sure fans of either sport could tolerate the muted commentary on the other. Much less distracting - much less f***ing annoying - than having deafening music thumping out of the speakers (and the music on their playlist has got really awful of late). Because of the music, everybody is having to shout their heads off to carry on any sort of conversation; so the din is an environmental health hazard, inducing migraine within minutes. And it makes it quite impossible to concentrate on the game. It seemed as though almost no-one in there was really watching either game; they were just intemittently trying to. I go through periods of being modestly well-disposed towards The Den: the food isn't bad, the waitresses are excellent, and they have a proper 'happy hour' - everything cheap until 10pm. But whenever I go there to try to watch sport - and it is supposed to be a sports bar! - I end up absolutely hating the place. I had a hunch there'd be a very similar situation at Danger Doyle's. And even if there had been no music, no Halloween parties, no Australians, decent TV screens and English commentary - well, the place is still an overpriced shitbox. And, I mean, it's up a flight of stairs, for fuck's sake. In a mall. Do not the rules of Great Bar-ness decree that you cannot have a bar in a mall? I couldn't even be bothered to go and check it out. I tried Luga's Villa instead. Without any great optimism. My lack of optimism was justified. Luga just can't commit to the idea of trying to be a sports bar. Having TVs in there is just one of a random selection of elements he employs in a scattergun approach to try to woo customers. Last night, he was throwing a Halloween party instead: THUMPING loud music, almost no light, people in fancy dress. The TVs were on as well, but - even more so than in The Den - it would have been just about impossible to watch them. The only other option around the middle of town was The Pavilion - which is expensive and devoid of atmosphere. It might at least have been showing the game, without the distraction of Halloween parties - but by this time, I'd already missed most of the first half, and had grown dispirited. Hmm, I forgot about The Rickshaw. Does anyone still go to The Rickshaw? It seems to have died the death over the last 6 months. Last I heard, they'd given up on their satellite feed altoghether (they never were very good at getting it to work!). Paddy O'Shea's was a bit too far away from where I was. And I hate the place with a passion, anyway. And it was a racing certainty that they would be going the Halloween Party route. Halloween with leprechauns. Eminently avoidable. And that's it for the Beijing sports bar scene. The Stumble Inn has closed. The new Goose & Duck is unreachably far away, for any of us that live within the city. (And it always has been crap, anyway; but at least its original location was accessible and crap.) Frank's Place and (well spoken of) newcomer The Irish Volunteer, out by the Lido, are likewise too far away for us city centre dwellers. There's a yawning gap in the market for a really good sports bar in the centre of the city. Especially one that specialises in football. Let us keep our fingers crossed that one day soon some visionary entrepreneur will step forward.... to save us from the direness of The Den et al.