The worst barman in the world?

After a year or two in China, you stop making notes of contenders for this sort of accolade. It just gets too depressing. You meet a new one every few days.

But in the last few months, I have come across someone who really seems to be taking the art of bad bartending to a new level; the consistency and creativity of his uselessness are quite awe-inspiring. I have taken to watching him - and his frustrated customers - in appalled fascination, regarding it as a social psychology experiment to determine just how far he can go in avoiding serving anyone, and just how much the poor, thirsty punters will put up with before they revolt (and go somewhere else).

It's amazing that he has kept the job this long. But I suppose he's a pleasant enough chap. And he does serve drinks occasionally (if anyone can actually engage him in conversation). And he does appear to work hard (he's very, very good at putting glasses away). When the bar isn't too busy, he gets by OK. But when the bar is crowded - as it often is - he simply isn't pulling his weight... at all. And it has a knock-on effect throughout the bar: his fellow bar-staff get overburdened because he isn't filling any orders; the wait staff get overburdened, because orders aren't getting filled quickly enough; and customers get grumpy - and leave - because their orders are taking too long to arrive (or are getting forgotten about altogether). The last time I was in this particular bar, I estimated that at least 60% of people there were without a drink; I imagine a good many of them, like me, had placed an order which got held up, or lost completely, in the queue caused by the inefficiency of the bar staff - well, the inefficiency of one particular member of the bar staff.

The main problem with this chap seems to be that he is painfully shy or unselfconfident in dealing with customers. He tries as many ways as possible to keep himself 'busy' behind the bar - so that he never has to look up at anyone on the other side of it. He is fastidious at collecting glasses from the kitchen, giving them a superfluous extra polish, and returning them to their proper storage spot. But asking people what they want to drink? Not so much. I've seen exasperated colleagues pass on orders to him, which he meets with a bemused Oh, where did that come from? expression. It came from that guy who's been stood 4 feet away from you, with an empty beer mug on the bar in front of him, giving you the hard stare throughout the 2 or 3 minutes you managed to take over reshelving those dozen or so assorted glasses. That's where it came from. Check out all these other people at the bar with empty glasses - you think maybe you should do something about that??

Honestly, this guy is SO BAD, he is seriously impacting his bar's revenue. It makes for a horribly compelling, scarcely believable spectacle - in the manner of all natural disasters.

And, oh yes, he's a laowai.