Another of the things about the business of giving parties - apart from the enormity of the cleaning-up operations entailed afterwards - that tends to discourage me from continuing to throw them (and indeed somewhat saps the will to live altogether) is what we might broadly categorize as "bad guest behaviour". I have several gripes under this heading, but I'll let them lie.... or at least vent about them in some other forum.... except for:
People who bring wine to my parties.
There should be a special circle of hell for people who bring wine to my parties. Ideally, it should contain a wine lake (I could supply the wine to fill it!), in which they would be made to wallow for all eternity; a lake of wine so disgusting they could never hope to drain the lake and win their freedom by drinking the wretched stuff, no matter how hard they might try; wine so acidic that it sears their skin; wine so rife with dodgy chemicals and colourings that it stains their piss purple; wine like the wine they brought me, the c***s!
Am I being unreasonable, over-touchy? I don't think so!
Most of the people who came to the party on Saturday should have been aware that I scarcely drink wine myself any more - due to a worsening allergy, to red wine in particular. Furthermore, all guests had been expressly asked to bring beer or rum (or, in a few cases, some more specific party requirement such as ice or additional plastic cutlery) - not wine! And the local wine here - with a very few exceptions - is ABSOLUTELY FOUL. And you can be pretty sure that most of the people bringing wine were 're-gifting' an unwanted bottle that someone had brought to their home - so, in addition to their thoughtlessness and party-pooping, they were being cheap bastards as well.
You know who you are, cheap bastards! Luckily for you, I've forgotten. (Well, no, Chairman - I haven't forgotten you! You've got some major amends-making to do!!)
But please, PLEASE, if I ever have a party again and you are invited - DO NOT BRING ME A CHEAP BOTTLE OF LOCAL RED WINE..... unless you are fully prepared to have it smashed over your forehead! You have been warned.
10 comments:
Three points spring to mind.
First people dont bring booze to house parties for the host. They bring it for themselves to drink.
Secondly when pissed most people will drink most things including the dodgy wine they and other people brought.
Thirdly you did OK judging by the bath pic - your drinks cupboard is full for now.
If people were bringing it for themselves, wouldn't they bring decent stuff?
Anyhoo, this is a major sea change in culture. Back when we were nippers, Froog, the bottle was Yugoslav Riesling. And it was passed from party to party, never opened.
For a glorious while it became Bulgarian CabSauv, which had the great benefit of being tasty, and was the delight of lefties everywhere because it came from a glorious people's democracy. When of course it was discovered that it was actually South African red wine shipped to Bulgaria and relabelled to avoid the sanctions on apartheid it left more than a few trots with red faces.
If I ever bring a red wine to you, I'll have made it myself. But I'm weird like that, and terribly unlikely to visit.
No, Anonymous, these cheap bastards did not bring the wine for themselves. Almost nobody was actually drinking wine. They were all drinking the yummy rum punch that I provided.
And some of this stuff really is so vile that you wouldn't touch it even when VERY pissed and undiscriminating.
These bottles of wine were intended as "thank-you gift" to me.... and a really shitty, cheap, thoughtless gift that is.
And on the "full drinks cupboard" point, the residue of undrunk rum and cheap local beer is probably slightly less than the amount I provided myself, so there' no "profit" for me, and no consolation - only vexation, really, given that I am just about to cry off the booze for a month or two!
I'm curious - what's sparking the "off booze" movement? care to provide a post on it?
I modify my complaint in this post in one respect. It's hard to be in too much of a grump with my local guests. It's just a knee-jerk thing for them; they think it's expected, de rigueur to bring wine to a foreigner's party. And they don't know any better: few if any of them drink wine themselves, so they don't understand how truly awful this stuff is. And, on reflection, I suppose most of the unwanted wine gifts I suffered this weekend did come from my local friends..... so, you guys are absolved from the criticism. But please, remember, don't bring me any more. I'm running out of space to store the bloody stuff!
No, this rant was principally directed at my oldest buddy here, The Chairman - who, much as I love him, is the kind of guy who, knowing my prejudice that only a complete twat would bring wine to a beer&spirits-drinking party, would nevertheless bring wine. It's kind of a love/hate relationship!
Oh, I do have a 'consolation' now, as well. I am assured that even the worst of this local wine makes pretty tolerable gluhwein - IF you brew it for a LONG time, to boil off all the toxic chemicals, and drown the nasty taste by LOADING it with sugar and spices.
However, this may mean that I have to throw AN ENORMOUS CHRISTMAS PARTY. To which, doubtless, many people will bring identical bottles of horrendous plonk to replace the ones that I am patiently stewing into drinkability..... and my wine lake may never be reduced. Aaaarrggh!
I believe that, outside Greece, Retsina is actually only drunk by the drunk-and-undiscerning and at bottle-parties.
Never been able to keep it down. myself.
Rebottle the ghluwein and gift it.
There is no such thing as a pretty tolerable gluhwein
Hmmm, Retsina is an acquired taste. I suppose I acquired it through moderate drinking in agreeable surroundings (Greece!). If you've only ever drunk it to get paralytic at parties and grown to associate it with the bad consequences of over-indulgence.... that's too bad. I can enjoy it anywhere.
I find myself wishing that there was a decent Greek restaurant HERE....
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