Irresolutions

More experimental scribbing, in the 'list' mode - by-product of some sleepless nights recently.

Now, this is of course prompted by my New Year's resolve to end my long girlfriend famine, but I hasten to point out that I do not have this many options available to me! My life, alas, doesn't have nearly so many different women in it. Some of the women I might potentially be interested in would fit more than one of these tags; others, perhaps, would fit none; many of these, in fact, summarise relationships or interests from the distant past (for example, my scary Aussie bluestocking girlfriend of 10 years ago, The Evil One, really did once say, and probably only half-jokingly, that she was only going out with me because sex was cheaper than a gym membership), rather than current 'prospects'; and many of them are purely hypothetical. This is an outpouring of the creative imagination, OK; it is not necessarily my life. I am not that much of a slut, honestly!

No, in fact, after thus mentally reviewing the whole sorry history of my romantic life over the past twenty-odd years, and after cataloguing every conceivable possibility, however tenuous, for new romantic interests here...... I find that I still can't get beyond the dratted Madame X. Oh dear.

Options

So many options
So many women
So many chances of rejection
So many paths to heartbreak


Who should I choose, who should I risk, who should I ask


The one who laughs at my jokes?
Or the one who merely smiles?

The one who's always too busy?
Or the one who's always around?
The one who likes all the same books?
The one who's heard of my favourite films?
The one who sings so huskily?
The one who dresses so stylishly?
The one with the cute foreign accent?
The one who works behind the bar?

The one who still keeps shards of my heart
Sealed in a jar on her bookshelf?
Or the one whose messages I used to keep
Stored in my phone for months?
The one who turned me down?
The one who might yet change her mind?
The one who ran out on me?
The one who never returns my calls?

The one who married someone else?
Or the one who's about to?
The ones who see me as a husband's or a boyfriend's friend?
The ones who might see me as an extra-marital adventure?

The one who sees me as a pretext for escape
From an unsatisfactory relationship?
The one who sees me as a short-term distraction
And a means of keeping in shape?

The one who sees me as a tortured artist?
The one who sees me as a lost boy?
The one who sees me as just a good friend?
The one who sees me as a comfortable fixture?
The one who sees me as 'safe'?
The one who sees me as 'dangerous'?
The one who sees me as 'a catch'?
The one who sees me as 'a laugh'?


I'd settle for the one who sees me

But the one I want will not see