Blue Frog - lousiest of the recent openings??

Blue Frog is one of those places it's going to be very hard for me not to hate.

Stupid name, for a start. Stupid level of prices, for another (very nearly twice as much - for both drinks and food - as most of its immediate competitors).

The chain originated in Shanghai. And yes, its first branch in Beijing that opened earlier this summer was in Shunyi - the rich person's ghetto out by the airport. Its second Beijing location is in the huge and soulless new Sanlitun über-mall, The Village. You can see how hard it is going to be for me not to hate this place.

However, it is said to do a rather good burger - so I have been delaying the concluding part of my burger review series until I've had a chance to check it out. Their burgers start at a ludicrous 70-80 kuai each..... but on Mondays, they're two-for-one, which gives them a narrow window of affordability (and, I gather, drinks are also two-for-one during the 4pm-8pm 'happy hour'). I know, I know, I have always tried to stick to the principle that you shouldn't give a place your custom on 'happy hour' if you can't afford it (or otherwise don't like it) at any other time, but.... we are doing our best to be open-minded here, to give just a little benefit of the doubt to a new opening.

I have, in fact, been plotting to go there on a Monday night for the past several weeks, but I can never cajole any of my (equally impecunious) friends into accompanying me.

A few Mondays ago, I was driven to visit the place alone (though, naturally, heartbroken that the second - free - burger would be going to waste). As it happened, it sucked so mightily that I didn't even stay for a drink.

First off, it's pretty damned hard to find. There are (unusually for China!) quite a few maps scattered around The Village - but still not quite as many or quite as conspicuous as you might wish for in such a large and labyrinthine mall, so it took me quite a while to find the place. Blue Frog is on an upper level (and not visible from anywhere down below, as far as I could make out) - where there are an awful lot of unlet spaces, so the general ambience as you approach is extremely drab and uninviting. I had feared there might be a bit of an early evening rush on 2-for-1 Burger Night, but..... NO. When I got there around 7pm, there was only one table occupied.

I was asked if I'd like the smoking or non-smoking section. I was dumb enough to reply "Non-smoking". The sole customers were having quite a loud and obnoxious conversation right in the middle of the non-smoking room, so I didn't want to sit anywhere too near them; the second - "smoking" - room was completely deserted, but the staff would not let me go in there. "But you are not a smoker!" they objected vociferously. Oh, well.

I reluctantly sat down in a corner a couple of tables away from the noisy yahoos. My waitress demanded my drink order almost before the menu had left her hand - again, not a good sign. I asked her to give me a moment to think about it, and she hovered right beside - not a good sign.

Worst of all, the hi-fi was playing some very loud disco-ey kind of number, with a really throbbing beat to it. This "music" was bugging the crap out of me within seconds: it felt like an aneurysm pulsing away inside my skull. I decided to leave without ordering anything.

They did at least ask me if anything was wrong. When I told them I didn't like the music, they made a half-hearted offer to "turn it down". How about turning it off??

This was just not the sort of music they should ever be playing in a place like that. It's primarily a restaurant, not bar or a nightclub, so it needs to go with jazz, or perhaps some classic rock. And the music should never be anywhere near that loud. Maybe, a little later in the evening, and if you've got a big crowd in, you might increase the volume a bit to create a 'buzzier' atmosphere. But early evening, people just want to go there for a quiet after-work drink and some intimate conversation; they do not want (nobody, not even people that like this sort of music) throbbing dance music that's so loud it brings on a headache.

I'm not sure if I should bother to try to include Blue Frog in my 'burger review'. Even if it's the best damn burger in the city (and I'm pretty sure it won't be), it's not going to be worth 70 kuai. And it's not worth enduring the crappy service and the godawful music.