I had a very unfortunate experience last Friday. So strange and terrible and downright nasty that it defies my usual compulsion to blog about anything. However, I did record it in a 'stealth post' - in a comment on one of my old Froogville pieces to which it had an unhappy relevance. Read if you dare...
10 comments:
How bad is it that guessed the story with 100% accuracy?
Well, you've travelled in the "less developed" countries, haven't you?
Or did the Golgotha give it away?
I hope you've never had an experience quite that EXTREME.
I remember eating a whole hand of bananas on a bus in Malawi that then decided to sit in the middle of nowhere for 4 hours.
Presumably there were trees you could have hidden behind. And leaves of trees with which to clean yourself up. Wild nature makes abundant provision of such conveniences, in the way that urban China doesn't.
Well I didn't have your outcome, fortunately. My perils in that way have been more around the possibility and fear, rather than the actuality.
The anxiety, I know, can be quite as bad as the thing itself. Except for the clearing up afterwards.
There was a story that Spike Milligan told ... of a man who was similarly afflicted but decided to buy a change of clothes from Marks & Spencer before he boarded his train home. He selected underwear and trousers and took them to the counter but kept moving so that people couldn't trace the smell to him. He grabbed the bag and left.
Jumping aboard his train, he made for the loo. Removed his ahem soiled clothing and threw it out of the window. Having cleaned himself up, he opened the bag ... to find a pink v-neck jumper. He had picked up the wrong bag in his haste.
However, showing considerable sang froid, he nevertheless got off at his stop - wearing the jumper (legs down arms and with his meat-and-two-veg showing in the v-neck) - and, being England, no-one commented.
Ah yes, I remember that one well. He strung it out to quite a few minutes, didn't he?
I have a feeling that might have been on Wogan. Or was it Parkie's show?
One of the two and he was in tears by the time he got to the end ...
As it turns out, I do seem to have been able to save the phone.
I left it on top of the TV, and filled the back of it with some desiccating agent I'd collected from packets of peanuts.
'Useful Tips from the Barstool' might become a new feature on here.
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