Anniversaries never seem to be good for me any more - especially around this time of the year.
Today sees the 2nd anniversary of the break-up which wrought the most devastation ever on my fragile head and heart - an experience which, at the time, I feared I might not survive.
To mark the event, I offer you another of the little jottings of mine that were inspired by the affair (though this one, as you will see, comes from some time afterward). Yes, quite some weeks, or maybe even months later, when she challenged me as to whether I was still in love with her.... well, I wasn't entirely sure. I didn't want to be, but felt that I probably was; recognised that this would not be a welcome response to her, as she was suspicious and resentful of my unresolved feelings, feared they would be an obstacle to our continuing friendship. So, I mumbled an unconvincing denial. And then went home to scribble down this - as a way of analysing those pesky feelings, and starting to exorcise them....
It's another of my list-y experiments (I like the subconscious patterning, the logical drive that this approach so often produces). I'm not sure that it really counts as a poem, as such - but hey, we've got to call it something.
After this, I won't mention this damn business any more. I promise. Well, not too often.....
Stating the Obvious
Have I lost my eyes? Can I no longer see you?
Have I lost my memory? Can I no longer recall what passed between us?
Have I lost my imagination? Can I not picture what might yet pass between us?
Have I lost my judgement? Do I no longer appreciate how extraordinary you are?
Have I lost my artistic sensibility? Am I no longer thrilled by your talent?
Have I lost my passion? Can I perceive all this, and remain unmoved?
No, no, dear girl – of course I am still in love with you. And probably always will be.
Have I lost my mind? Possibly......
5 comments:
Bummer. Hopefully your day at the office will be enough to get you thinking about other things, at least for a bit (not that I approve of distraction as the "only" method of dealing, as I've mentioned in here before, but sometimes it's the right method for the right time.)
Ah, yes - the "getting sacked" day at the office! Ideal 'diversion therapy'!!
Trouble comes in threes, they say. Perhaps I'd better not call Madame X today....
at least you have Friday's Mao Music.
sorry about the sacking.
Ha, I knew my luck was at the bottom of the sea! Tried sending X an invitation by text message - and was brutally ignored.
Far more devastating than the sacking!!
Maybe her phone's on silent. Or she ran out of space. Then in an attempt to clear space for incoming messages, accidentally deleted unread messages, too.
C'mon, it happens to me all the time. I really need more memory for sms. Or I need to be less sentimental about the sms I receive.
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