Saturday, February 02, 2008

Sometimes, when you are drunk and listening to music.....

..... a woman will catch your attention in a rather insistent way.

Especially if she is tall and sassy and (probably) American and (definitely) of a rather nice rusty blonde hair-colour and..... yes, well, thoroughly captivating in every way.

Of course, I was mesmerised by her for two hours and didn't dare to say hello. Even thinking about saying hello seemed dangerously like a possible violation of my asexualist principles.

I try to persuade myself that my paralysis was due to my being still fixated on a certain Ms X, but...... actually it's probably just down to me being crap and drunk and out of practice and shy and lame and useless etc.

10 comments:

ChristineEldin said...

Order her a drink next time. If she likes you, she'll come over smiling.
If not, she'll run to the bathroom for an hour hoping that you would've left.

Froog said...

God - either of those outcomes seems fraught with anxiety for me.

Circumstances not conducive.

Actually, I don't like that ordering a drink for someone at the best of times, because it is kind of stalker-ish and controlling.

"You must drink this drink that I have chosen and ordered and paid for, and feel grateful to me for it." Maybe she doesn't want to drink any more. Maybe she wants a different drink to the thing she ordered last time. If you just ask the barman to ask her if you can buy her any drink of her choice next time she wants one [impossible in China, the bar staff are almost invariably clueless in either language], she may pull a stunt on you by ordering a bottle of champagne.

For me, buying a drink for someone implies a certain level - not that much, but some - of intimacy. I'd rather do it to cement a developing rapport after a few minutes of conversation.... rather than feel that you're buying a few minutes of a girl's condescension with a free drink. Opening with a drink offer seems presumptuous, pressuring, unclassy to me. Maybe it is much more standard bar procedure in the States. Or maybe I'm just a hopeless fuddy-duddy.

The British Cowboy said...

You don't order her a drink. You get the bartender's attention, and let him/her know that if the girl orders another drink, it is on you. That way she picks it, and she chooses if she has another drink or not, without any pressure of knowing someone is buying it for her. It also prevents the person drinking draft beer from switching to a Stoli martini because someone else is footing the bill...

Also, because you are removed from the situation, it makes it much easier for her to decline if she wishes. It also allows her to decline because she does not want to be in someone's debt, yet still come over to thank you, at which time you are quids in, me old mucker.

Of course, this may not be so easy in a country where the bartenders speak a different language, and where, from what I read, the concept of bar service is in its infancy.

Tulsa said...

hmm. if i were her, i probably would appreciate some indication of the other's interest, but i'm wondering how to best make that happen, considering what's already been said here about the Chinese Bartender sitch and men's ego/anxiety.

I shall put some thought into this. Maybe a How to Approach Us Without Freaking Us Out post...

Of course if I were the admirer, I would just go up and talk to the person, as Froog has witnessed. Rejection is fleeting. Regret lasts forever.

Froog said...

Interesting observation, T - but I think for me rejection stings longer than regret! Hence my hesitancy....

Jeremiah said...

Cowboy,

I'm not sure that level of sophistication in bar service is available here in Beijing, especially the places Froog calls home (from).

The British Cowboy said...

I realize that, jeremiah, in fact I said as much in the last paragraph.

What you need to do, Froog, is to start training bartenders...

Froog said...

Don't think I haven't tried, Cowboy.

Actually, the guy they have at 101 now isn't half bad. I looked in on Saturday for a quick one, couldn't quite decide what I wanted..... but he recognised me at once and said, "Asahi? Two for one?"

"Oh well, if you insist."

Mothman said...

"Rejection is fleeting. Regret lasts forever"...

Brilliant! And so very true.

Froog said...

Cruel Fate, why do you mock me?

I ran into her again yesterday. Almost literally - saw her when I was out on my morning jog. I was, of course, again completely tongue-tied. Sweaty and wheezing is not the best way to make that crucial first impression, I feel. And she was with someone - her dad, I would imagine (unless she is into much older men).

However, I did do a bit of a double-take as I ran past trying to think where I recognised her from; and I briefly caught her eye, and she returned the look, I thought, not unsympathetically - in a "Hey, this guy is staring at me as if he knows me, or would like to, which is not entirely unpleasing" kind of way. Or so I like to think.

Maybe it's not so much of a coincidence. I have often said that Beijing seems such a small world at times because there are a fairly limited number of places where foreigners hang out. And the lakes area where I run is a major tourist magnet: I often bump into people I know down there. At the moment, though, I am inclined to interpret this unexpected encounter as a further act of cosmic malevolence against me; I seem to hear a jeering 'Ha-haa!' ringing through the heavens.

It's probably just because I'm in such a mood-slump at the moment. If I were in a more optimistic frame of mind, I should probably take much encouragement from this. Heck, if I got out more, I might even get to see her more often than once every 10 days. And after a few more of those "Don't I know you from somewhere?" moments, I might actually get up the courage to talk to her.