Friday, January 25, 2008

A dating haiku (HBH 64)

Always "too busy":
Keenest wooers discouraged.
Hard-to-get women!

To wrap up this week's mammoth series on 'Dating in Beijing' (here and here and here and here), a little haiku on the topic. I think just about every woman I have dated here (or pursued vainly, been frustratedly in love with) has given me a hugely hard time over getting her out on a date at all: I mean, really, you have to ask at least 6, 8, 10 times before you get a result. I think in the West you'd give up in half that time, interpreting "too busy" as "not interested" or "not available". But here - quite often, anyway - it really does seem to mean just "too busy".

Ladies, please, if you're having trouble finding a guy in Beijing, consider - you might need to address your work/life balance. And relearn the dying art of turning people down courteously (a curt "working late Thursday" text message is not going to encourage a guy to ask you out again).

And please, try a little attitude adjustment as well. It may be true that there is an unfortunately high proportion of scumbags, playboys and losers among Beijing's expat men; but if you go out on the town with the prejudice that everyone is likely to be like that, you're not going to make a favourable impression on anyone (male or female, foreign or Chinese) that you meet.


Chris Eldin said...

Thanks for commenting on my blog!
I want to go through your dating posts. Sounds like Sex in the City goes overseas.
You could turn this into a book! Seriously. Would be a fun time to read this from a guy's POV.

Tulsa said...

Hi Church Lady!

Yes, Froog is excellent at this. do have a read through!


rest assured the work/life balance issue addressed here is not limited to frustrating potential beaus. We women have our fair share of mixed signals from men who really really want to develop the relationship into something, but also can't seem to keep track of hours spent at the computer working.

big sigh. you'd think by now everyone would know how to keep the door open, even when they really really do have to work through that lunch.

Froog said...

Ah, modern times!

I have experienced how it is to get so caught up in work like that, but..... I like to think that I have still maintained some awareness of the separateness of the world outside.... some sense of a "non-work person is conversing with me, must try to remember social courtesies".

These days, it seems, it's getting completely lost. Of course, you can still try to "work around" this; but when I start clocking people as inconsiderate, work-obsessed, rude, impolite - lust withers instantly.

Yet another reason why I am perennially single.

Hell, you complain about the quality of men in Beijing! It cuts both ways.